


A Wonderful Life

by adorkablephil (kimberly_a)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Bullying, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Timey-Wimey, YouTube, Young Dan Howell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-07-29 03:33:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20075440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimberly_a/pseuds/adorkablephil
Summary: 13-year-old Dan Howell begins receiving links to videos that seem to show him his own future





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic might not make much sense in the beginning, but hang in there. Note This fic takes place in 2004. YouTube was not created until February 2005.
> 
> The title, probably obviously, comes from the movie "It's A Wonderful Life."

Jake and Leo had found him at the bottom of the north stairway that afternoon and pushed him into the niche beneath, where they’d proceeded to pummel him just like usual. “Gaylord,” they’d taunted. “Gay little fucker.” They’d kicked him in the stomach, in the legs, and—most appropriately—in the bum before they’d run off laughing.

Just another day at school.

Dan limped home in his fucking uniform that still fit too large, despite his mum’s continuing assurances that he would “grow into it.” The problem was that he wasn’t growing as wide as he was tall, so while his mum kept letting out the hem of the legs, he’d never grown into the width of the jacket, except a bit at the shoulders. It made him look like a clothes hanger.

They mocked him for that, too, of course, but that was just one of the more minor taunts. The boys at school didn’t even bother to hide their disdain anymore. Secondary school was so much worse than he’d ever imagined.

But the worst were the “gay” remarks, which were nearly constant now. Boys even said them in class, and the teachers just chuckled and told them to quiet down.

Not a single person had ever stood up for him.

And he’d never had a single friend. Not a proper friend, someone he could really talk to. He’d had casual mates, of course, but no one wanted to be associated with the school pariah, so they tended to steer clear of him lest they be mocked for guilt by association.

He didn’t know what he’d done wrong.

They only thing he could think of was that his secret was somehow written across his forehead. Because he’d recently realized that he really was this “gay” that everyone had been calling him since primary school.

He knew it was the worst thing to be, and he’d only realized recently that he was, in fact, probably “gay” ... and maybe the boys at school had been able to tell all along, and that’s why they had singled him out from the very first day.

Maybe all this time, they’d known, even though he hadn’t.

Well, now he knew, and there was nothing that could possibly be worse. Nothing lay ahead of him but misery and loneliness, even more so than he already experienced on a daily basis.

When he got home from school, he said hello to his mum, trying to minimize his limp, and trudged upstairs to the room with the PC.

He checked his Hotmail account, but there was only one weird email from an unfamiliar address:

> Dan, I know your life sucks right now, but when you get older it's going to be better than you can possibly imagine. Luckily, you don't have to imagine, because you can see where it starts to get better if you just click this link: <https://youtu.be/y3q26mIsk1M>

.


	2. Chapter 2

Dan found that the link led to a video, and it was a video of a guy who looked sort of like him, but older, and he said his name was “Dan” ... but he said it in this sort of dorky way, making a rectangle with his hands for no apparent reason.

He thought he would watch through the whole video first. The room looked sort of like Dan’s bedroom, but with a big tv in it. The guy’s voice sounded like Dan’s, in that supposedly “posh” way that only got him beaten at school more often than if he talked “like everyone else.” He wasn’t posh, just articulate. But apparently being articulate was some kind of heinous crime. And ... well ... the guy had the same sort of dorky sense of humor that Dan had, yet another thing that got him mocked and bullied.

This was really weird. This guy looked and sounded a lot like Dan, but a little older.

That made absolutely no sense. Dan stopped the video in order to do some searching on the internet. First he investigated the URL, which seemed to only exist if Dan clicked on it in the email. He tried just typing in “[https://youtu.be/](https://youtu.be/y3q26mIsk1M)“ but came up empty.

He went back to watching the video.

This weird “Dan” in the video talked about having some “really good friends,” which Dan obviously couldn’t relate to. He also used a lot of words that didn’t make any sense, like something that sounded like “vloggy,” which was apparently some kind of video, and “subscribe,” which made no sense at all.

Okay, this was really really weird.

Dan’s mum called him down for supper, but he couldn’t think about anything but the video the whole time they were eating. His parents were used to him sulking, though, so they didn’t comment on his attitude.

“I’ll need the PC tonight,” his mum said, and Dan wanted to scream. He couldn’t explain, “I’m trying to investigate a mysterious video sent to me by some unnamed person,” without sounding like he was interacting with some kind of internet pervert, so he just had to put his curiosity on hold.

When he got home from another fantastically wonderful day at school the next day, he was in a rush to watch the video again, but another email waited for him, directing him to another video … and he was beginning to think that maybe this person was somehow him, even though that seemed absolutely impossible. But it really did look and sound like him, and even act like him a bit.

How could it possibly be him? Him, but older?

This time, he didn’t even pause to watch the other video again first, didn’t even read the text of the second email … just went immediately to the second video link, which led him to [https://youtu.be/M6VevN2mn5s](https://youtu.be/M6VevN2mn5s). And, this time, the older Dan wasn’t alone. He was laughing and goofing around with another boy.

And, of all things this was the weirdest: they drew whiskers on their faces.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter includes considerable amounts of emotional and physical bullying and homophobic language. As Dan did in his coming out video, I have purposely avoided using the most offensive homophobic slur, but like him I have not ignored its existence and the prevalence with which it was (and continues to be) used. I’ve simply turned it into a word that starts with the letter “f” and is followed by dashes.

In French class the next day, James Epson smacked him in the head while the teacher had her back turned. The entire class snickered, and she turned around. “Y a-t-il quelque chose de drôle?” she asked with tense, disapproving lips before turning back around without waiting for an answer.

James smacked Dan across the back of his head again, and the sound had to be loud enough even for the teacher to hear, but she didn’t turn around again as the rest of the class tittered. She simply sighed and bit out, “Silencieux!” and continued writing on the chalkboard.

When he’d discovered at the start of the term that he’d been seated immediately in front of James, Dan had known it would be like this. And right now he knew what would happen next.

James and his mates Leo and Craig cornered Dan out in the hallway. “Hey gaylord!” Leo shouted, and the other students in the hall turned to look, their eyes sliding from Leo to Dan. “Bet you’re dying to suck my dick. No thanks, though. I’m not a f— like you.” Nervous laughter scattered through the crowd.Leo knew he had an audience now, and it was only going to get worse from here. He punched Dan in the shoulder, yelling, “I don’t take it up the bum like you do. Probably every night, right? I mean, if you can find someone to do it. Because who’d want a loser like you? But maybe you f—s aren’t particular, huh?”

James and Leo were hemming Dan in while Craig moved forward to punch Dan right in the face. It really hurt, and he wondered if his nose might be broken, but Dan still didn’t respond. He stood there, stone-faced, throughout the attack. He wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of letting them know they’d hurt him, neither with their words nor their blows. If he let them know, it would only get worse. Craig boxed him across the ear, and then it was time to get to class and the crowd started to disperse. “Until next time, bumboy,” James sneered as they walked away.

After school, Dan left as quickly as possible with his head down, not wanting to give the other boys any further chance today. He very nearly ran home, though he tried not to show that kind of fear and so merely walked very quickly, then shut the door firmly behind him when he got to his house. He yelled hello to his mum and immediately went upstairs.

No new email from the anonymous stranger, so Dan just watched the previous video again. The boy Dan imagined himself to maybe be able to be someday ... he looked so happy, laughing with the other boy and just ... acting like himself ... and the other boy seemed to like him just the way he was.

That was difficult to imagine right now.

He wondered if the other boy ... if he and the other boy...

But no. That was ridiculous. No one else would ever look at him that way. He felt miserable and alone. He turned the computer off and put his head in his hands. His right ear hurt from where Craig had hit him, and his nose felt even worse.

He went down to look in the mirror before dinner and saw that he had a very obvious black eye.

Great.

Over dinner, his dad kept looking at him. He took a bite of food, then glanced at Dan. Took another bite of food, then glanced at Dan. Finally, he set down his fork and put his elbows on the table, clasping his hands in front of him.

“How’d that happen?” he asked, gesturing at Dan’s face. Dan looked down at his plate and didn’t say anything. “I asked you a question, Daniel. What happened to your face?”

Dan kept his eyes on his food. “Some boys at school.”

His dad rolled his eyes. “Again? And did you just take it like you always do? Just stand there and let them treat you like some little girl?” His voice had been rising as he spoke, and the final words were shouted.

Dan shrank down in his chair, wishing he could just go back to his room ... or, even better, into that world in the video. The one where he was laughing, and he had a friend, and he looked so happy.

He avoided his dad’s eyes, stared down at his plate, and wished he could be in that world. In response to his silence, Dan’s father eventually continued eating, though the mood at the table was now even more tense than usual.

After dinner, Dan retreated to the PC and discovered that another email had, in fact, arrived from the anonymous sender!

> Dear Dan,  
  
Secondary school sucks, but just ignore those jerks, especially that one who sits behind you in French class, and hang in there. I’m sending you two videos this time, because I know you’re having a really rough time right now. Watch these videos to see how happy you can be, because yes, if you were wondering, this is you in a few years: <https://youtu.be/ElPqY0emgFU> and <https://youtu.be/p6CER-c7gUs>

Dan watched himself with the same other boy as before, and this time they were not only laughing and having fun … Dan was literally singing and dancing around their Christmas tree and kitchen. He _assumed_ it was _their_ tree and kitchen, anyway. So that must mean that they lived together. As friends, of course.

He fell asleep that night humming to himself with a smile on his face, “Rave time, rave time, rave time,” and picturing himself so happy that he was dancing with a friend. A better friend than he’d ever had before.

The next day, when Craig and his friend Tom bombarded Dan with spit balls during history class, Dan ignored them and just thought of the videos and the future that lay ahead, even if he would have the stupidest haircut imaginable someday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is obviously AU. Dan didn’t have anyone giving him hope at this age or things might have gone very differently for him. But I like to imagine a world in which he learned at an early age that happiness could be coming his way sometime in the future, so that he might have found it easier to brave the difficulties he experienced as a teenager.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm @adorkablephil on Tumblr.


End file.
